Satire: Black Thursday, Silver Dollar, Green Christmas

By Laura Pierson

Staff Writer

The holiday season and all it entails, shopping, lights strung on trees, silver, gold, shopping, mistletoe, eggnog, and, of course, shopping is once again spreading its garland and tinsel tentaclesacross the Capital Region.

The official start of the holiday season was Nov. 27, more commonly known as Black Thursday, formerly known as Thanksgiving, which traditionally stirs much holiday mania amongst shoppers. However, many local stores set out their Christmas merchandise EVEN earlier this year.

“We just left it up the whole year to save the trouble,” shrugs a store clerk, Rob. Christmas music plays on the store’s speakers, the newest rendition of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Love of a Buck. “We’ve even employed a Santa year-round,” Rob adds. “Kids can visit him for only two dollars for a three minute visit, or a special deal of five dollars for six minutes.”

“People complain about Christmas getting too commercial, but I don’t think it’s getting out of control at all,” says Nicole Saint, criminal justice major, who was arrested in Walmart on Black Thursday after reportedly, “hitting some guy repeatedly over the head with a plastic doll.”

The doll in question was a Disney Frozen Sparkle Princess Elsa Doll, on sale at twenty-five percent off. “It’s not like it might ever be on sale again,” says Saint while standing in a line for five hoursat Walmart the next day. Saint asserts that “the doll wasn’t even for me. I thought I’d get it for my niece.  I did it all for the kids.”

Matt Lansing, digital media major, is a student who wishes he might have spent Thursday elsewhere, instead of behind a cash register at Target. He says, “I would have definitely been out shopping if I didn’t have to work an eight-hour shift.”

Charlene Spendalot, business-marketing major, is all smiles when discussing the holiday season, the fluffy, white bauble from her Santa hat dangling in front of her nose. “I’ve been listening to Christmas music since the day after last Christmas.”

Spendalot, still smiling manically, continues “I’m not sure but I think there might be bigger reason behind the holiday, other than getting pummeled at the mall while trying to get your hands on a flat screen TV.” Spendalot prefers to stay at home during the shopping rush that takes place over the weeks leading up to Christmas, instead spending countless hours purging the internet for gifts for family and friends.

Spendalot continues, “Christmas is all about getting together, seeing each other after such a long time away, and comparing gifts.” Spendalot is returning to her home in Greenbacks, Rhode Island for the Christmas break.

Kevin Johnson, individual studies major, has a different view on the holiday season, saying that the “whole holiday spirit thing” has been slow in wrapping him up. He adds that, “If I didn’t have to study so much, I guess I’d be excited for Christmas shopping, but right now, I’m too focused on passing my finals.”

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental but entirely within the realm of possibility.


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