Unforeseen candidate jumps in race for senate president

Hunter Wallace
Meme Writer

PlankPortraitGraphic By: Isaac Kautz |The Hudsonian

Plank, a new Hudson Valley student, has announced his plans to run for president of Student Senate.

Plank comes from a small neighborhood of closely-knit families. Many students support his decision to seek a position in Student Senate.

“Plank is truly a standup guy,” said Johnny TwoByFour, construction major.

“When I was younger, I used to have a lot of trouble making friends, and I really thought I would never make friends because everyone thought I was different and awkward, but Plank proved me wrong,” said TwoByFour.

“He helped me branch out to others and stood by me every step of the way, and I’m so glad that he wishes to change others’ lives as he has changed mine,” he said.

“I think Plank is the perfect candidate for president of Student Senate,” Deb Nazz, a respiratory care major.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was more calm, collected and nonjudgmental, so it’s really not too surprising that he’s running for this position,” she said.

Plank also has experience in criminal justice. Throughout his childhood, he has witnessed innumerable acts of crime, many of which resulted in failure.

Individual studies major Tommy Eddy used to create scams to make money.

“I was caught more often than not, and Plank was there every single time, watching me with that eternal smile of his,” said Eddy.

Biological science major, Stuart Edd, found companionship in local troublemakers, and was able to witness Plank dealing with legal matters with a steady attitude.

“I cannot remember how many times the three of us attempted to scam the other neighborhood kids, just so we could buy jawbreakers from the local candy store,” said Edd.

“In retrospect, we must have looked pretty stupid, and I’m sure that’s exactly what Plank was thinking each time he watched us fail,” he said.

“I was a bad boy growing up. Every time Eddy thought of a crazy scheme, I just followed him, like a mindless zombie, and felt bad when were caught. Plank was there every time, staring at us with that unchanging facial expression,” said Isaac Ed, a physical education studies major.

Students can expect to see Plank officially run against opposing candidates Jimmy and Rolf in the coming months.

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