“The War With Grandpa” Wouldn’t Even Make John Bolton Happy

By Nolan Cleary, Managing Editor

Intended to be Robert DeNiro’s attempt at reaching a younger audience, “The War With Grandpa” pits an elderly, curmudgeonly DeNiro against his youthful, adolescent grandson counterpart.

For one of the few releases still making the rounds in theaters, “The War With Grandpa” is just the type of lazy, juvenile, sap of an excuse for a Broadcast television movie that somehow made it to the big screen.

The premise of “The War With Grandpa” follows Robert De Niro as Ed, an old out of touch elder who’s inability to understand technology leads him to assault an employee at a local grocery store. Ed then proceeds to drive home without a license and still not receive any criminal penalties (because, yeah. Why would he?) but is confronted by his daughter, Sally, played by Uma Thurmond, who convinces him that his age and fragility should him to move in with her husband and children.

As a result, Ed receives the bedroom of Peter, his young grandson, much to his displeasure. Peter declares a war of pranks on his grandfather, forcing the loving Ed to counter Peter’s actions with his own shenanigans.

Audiences may be wondering why a loving grandfather like Ed wouldn’t just snitch on Peter’s parents, rather than partaking in Peter’s juvenile pranks, but one learns quickly that all forms of logic appear vacant in such a film.

The pranks become strangely mean spirited and in some cases, life-threatening, with Ed eventually involving his elder friends, which apparently include washed up wannabes like Christopher Walken, Jane Seymour, and whatever other veteran actors DeNiro can find to suck out their careers like a parasite.

Throughout the film, DeNiro teaches his grandson invaluable life lessons, like how escaping the scene of a crime is morally superior to facing the consequences of your actions, or how the best way to deal with a bully, is to get an adult family member to kidnap him and lock him in a garbage dump.

Director Tim Hill’s cheap, novice style is on full display. Having previously directed acclaimed projects like Alvin and the Chipmunks, Hop, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kittens, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, and Max Keeble’s Big Move, Hill continues to force his audience into a pitiful headspace of laziness.

Hill’s “made for TV but not really” approach leads to the predictable antics of a family comedy, such as the stereotypical bullies, or the “boomers don’t know how to use technology” trope.

Moviegoers could be forgiven for believing their senile middle-aged relatives wrote the script as a living embodiment of the lazy Facebook memes they posted, rather than a professional Hollywood executive.

Though some may question Hill’s ability to recruit talents like DeNiro and Thurmond, audiences will be more astonished to learn just how lifeless their performances. Thurmond gives a career-worst, forcing the audience to wonder how the Kill Bill star could tarnish such a promising road to success.

With no interest in appealing to adults in any subtle way with its humor, the film narrows its appeal exclusively to the nine-year-old Nickelodeon audience obsessed with farts and boogers.

Indeed, “The War With Grandpa” could be praised for its admiral elements to at least attempt to stand as a cheap torture method for parents had it succeeded in trying to be that, but Hill instead chooses to confuse the course with emotionally manipulating “heartfelt scenes” that attempt to brand the movie as “a family flick” leading to a climax that is nothing short of baffling.

Upon launching a Christmas Day prank on his grandfather, Pete destroys half the house. Despite this, Thurmond is more infuriated her daughter, Mia, played by Laura Marano is sneaking around (while adults can assume activities between the birds and the bees), leading to a more abrupt ending.

Perhaps the film could’ve been admirable in its ill-intentioned efforts had the film known what it wanted to be, but it couldn’t. It wouldn’t, and the picture feels more contrived because of it.

Perhaps the most insulting fact is the intention of Hollywood to make this the sacrificial lamb to limp into theaters during a pandemic. With lazy writing and horrible acting, you’d find yourself better off not wasting your life on schlock like “The War With Grandpa”.

1/10