Therapy dogs offered for poor Wi-Fi experiences(April Fools!)

Caesar Milan
Dog Manager

You’ve been slaving away in the Marvin Library all day on that research paper for English Comp., your next class, because it’s worth 20 percent of your grade. You are finally done with it, it’s saved in Google Docs, you are about to print it out, and… the Wi-Fi goes out. Your class starts in ten minutes, and the Wi-Fi outage lasts for twenty. How mad would you be?

Therapy dogs will be available on campus before the semester is over to combat the growing frustration caused by numerous Wi-Fi issues. Wi-Fi outages, slow Wi-Fi, no Wi-Fi coverage outside between buildings, and troubles initially connecting to the Wi-Fi are all serious problems experienced by students and faculty across Hudson Valley.

Even hearing the word “Wi-Fi” is a stressful experience for technologies student Martin Manjak. “It’s just that I can come up with a million ways that the Wi-Fi and internet services could be made so much better,” he said. “And, honestly, I use the data on my phone because the campus Wi-Fi is so unreliable.”

Studies have consistently shown that dogs have calming effects on people. According to Ralph Mendez, advisor for the animal outreach club, this was the whole idea behind securing therapy dogs for the campus.

“There is no doubt that dogs are effective at calming people in stressful situations, and there is also no doubt that college students are under a ton of stress,” Mendez said. “And what is the most stressful activity on campus? Trying to log onto and stay logged onto the campus Wi-Fi.”

Student and faculty frustration has resulted in several mishaps across campus over the last several semesters. In just this spring semester alone, the Physical Plant has had to repair eight holes in walls across campus, the majority of them in the library and campus center.

According to a recent study conducted on campus, alcohol use has seen a 70 percent spike as a direct result of the poor Wi-Fi. This past fall, 200 pounds of hair was pulled out because of the same cause. In addition, stress-caused acne has resulted in an increase in Proactive sales through local vendors.

“I think that it’s a great idea,” said biology major Antoine Harrison on the need for therapy dogs. “I’ve chewed my nails until they’ve bled because of the problems I have experienced.”

The dogs will initially be available in the campus center and library areas while administration monitors stress levels to see if the dogs are effective. If they prove to be a help to students, more will be purchased and placed in Gunther and then branch out to the other buildings.