Advice for student athletes looking to StAy WokE
Hunter McIntyre
Sports Editor
We all know student athletes live very busy lives between sports and school, but how can they stay woke? I will cover some easy and affordable ways student athletes can stay woke.
The first way you can stay woke is to pay attention to your local news. News apps on your phone can alert you to almost anything happening in the news world. It’s not like news sources are reliable or anything, but they’ll at least let you know what’s going on in the world, even if they are “fake news”
The next way student athletes can stay woke is to eat correctly. The most important foods to eat when trying to be woke are kale, cosmic brownies and espresso. Kale is important because it’s a superfood, and you need to be super to stay woke.
Espresso is necessary because being woke can keep you up all night, pondering the inner workings of the universe and cosmic brownies because they are probably the most inspiring food you can eat.
I personally have not consumed these three things at the same time, but you truly must be transported to a higher plain of existence.
Another way to stay woke is to watch the correct films. Examples of woke shows would be “Spongebob Squarepants” and “Rick and Morty.” Both shows make you wonder if there is a god and if said god would really let us create shows of such excellence and majesty.
A couple woke movies would be “Interstellar,” “The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius,” “The Spongebob Squarepants Movie” and “Shrek.” “The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water” and “Shrek the Third” are not meant to be watched and will instantly obliterate your woke vibe.
Being woke can be much deeper than just watching the correct films and eating the right foods. Being woke in itself means you are on a higher plane of understanding than most non-woke people.
Woke people must understand nothing can be trusted. This is because the lizard people in the Illuminati actually control the planet. The lizard people and their puppets control a large portion of the world’s media.
They must also understand it is very possible the world is flat. Have you ever been on a rocket and seen the Earth from space? I presume most of you haven’t, meaning that none of us actually know for a fact the world is round. Seeing is believing, so how can we trust these pictures of earth provided to us by the lizard people?
Belief in extraterrestrial life is very important to being woke. In a constantly expanding universe, how is it possible we are alone, and how could lizardmen control the earth if there was no extraterrestrial life?
The last thing you can do to stay woke is simply keep up on current memes. Memes are a way of woke folk to communicate without the lizard people intercepting our messages.
Remember to stay woke.