Therapy doggies terrorize campus

Nick Fisk
Doggo Ambassador

Students on Hudson Valley’s campus are expressing concerns regarding administration’s new on-campus therapy dog stress relief initiative. Those affected say what the college has introduced aren’t dogs whatsoever.

Students have described the animals as “bipedal red beasts with large spines for fur” that travel in large packs. They also reportedly speak heavily accented English and have been involved in multiple incidents on campus.

“They just came out of nowhere,” information technology major Gerald Ark said. “No one told me about this. I was on a break between classes and heard hissing and clicking noises from behind me.”

Ark says he was suddenly surrounded by these “red beasts.”

Automotive Electronics major Ivo Robertson shared a similar sentiment.

“If they were trying to get students to relax, they’re managing to do the exact opposite!” Robertson said. “I can’t even focus on my work with all that incessant noise.”

Student teacher Blair Cartan described her experience with the dogs.

“I thought they were looking for a specific class or building at first,” Cartan explained. “They started asking me if I knew the way. Before I even had a chance to answer, they kept asking and made really strange sounds.”

Cartan also heard some of the student’s worries.

“They’ve told me they’re scared to come to classes because of these things,” she said. “Frankly, I don’t blame them.”

Many of the female students have begun to form a union against this movement. This idea reportedly occurred after multiple harassment claims were ignored by the college’s administration.

“It’s all horrible,” said psychology major Allison Rose. “I was just finishing my daily classes, and they swarmed me and started calling me a queen. Now, I can’t get away from them, they keep making lewd remarks and I can’t even go home.”

Rose explained she wasn’t the only one involved in the most recent incident.

“My friend, Caitlin, came by to hang out after classes, and the things started calling her a ‘fake queen’ and kept spitting on her until she ran away,” Rose said.

Rose went on to say she feels the college’s administration is ignoring her complaints.

“I’ve asked multiple teachers and staff about it, and they’ve all told me we’re wrong about them and ‘We’ll learn the way soon enough,’” Rose said. “What is that even supposed to mean?”

In the college president’s and vice president’s temporary absence, Interim President Miles Longton introduced a new highly requested measure he states students “have been asking about for a long time.” No one knows how he would know this.

The main part of the measure introduces several groups of therapy dogs onto campus, mainly around the Siek Campus Center and BTC. However, students have pushed back against the initiative, saying the animals have been scaring multiple students.

Longton spoke on behalf of administration last Friday.

“These are just normal, professionally trained dogs,” Longton stated. “They’re just excited to see so many people.”

He also referred to the reports of them talking and harassing people as “unprovable nonsense.”

Spurred by these remarks, Rose’s union protested on April 1. Administration had security on standby to keep protesters from scaring the dogs.