Tide Pod degree program coming to the college

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Meme-in-Chief

The manufacturing technology building will house a new degree program devoted to the development of Tide Pods in fall 2019.

The new program was proposed to satisfy heightened demand in the laundry market for Tide Pods.

“We’re really excited to introduce this fun and innovative program to the college in 2019,” said newly appointed Head of the Tide Pod Department Benjamin Boi. “I think it will be a nice addition to Hudson Valley’s already diverse array of degree programs.”

The Tide Pod Challenge blew up on the internet after a chain of videos surfaced, showing kids biting into the detergent packets.

Administration has taken preventative measure to make sure students at Hudson Valley do not ingest the Pods they will help manufacture.

“We are going to put up signs that say, ‘Please don’t eat the Pods, kids,’” said incoming professor of Tide Pod Pedagogy Peter Deever. “We think they will work effectively. The pods are colorful, but they’re also very deadly.”

Deever also discussed the possibility of hiring additional staff to watch students while they handle the Pods.

“They look like candy, but you can’t eat them,” Deever said. “I have to admit that I struggled with the concept initially. It’s really frustrating, but we have to limit the chance of Tide Pod consumption.”

The Tide Pod department will also provide a keychain, a free visor hat and a single ping pong ball to every student who successfully makes it through the program without eating a Pod.

Despite these astute measures, students and staff have raised concerns about the deadly distractions.

“Well, it all started because my mom forgot to buy my snacks,” said liberal arts student Boon Moore. “Tide Pods were really colorful, and I just popped one straight into my mouth. I thought, ‘Hey, all of these kids on YouTube are eating them, too, so it must taste good.’”

Moore said he was initially scared to eat his first Tide Pod but got over his fear quickly. He said he had a “pretty cool” ride in an ambulance after he ate the Pod.

Moore was one of many drawn to the Tide Pod Challenge. Coincidentally, he plans to change his major to Tide Pod Manufacturing. This means he will likely spend an additional three years at the college.

Underwater Basket Weaving student Denise Pooter organized a group of students to protest the Tide Pod degree program.

She was only able to find seven out of roughly 5,000 full-time students to protest by her side.

“We’re shocked Hudson Valley would introduce this program after the Pod epidemic,” Pooter said. “I have no idea how administration can trust there won’t be an incident at the college.”

Benny Boul is one of the seven students rallying behind Pooter’s efforts.

“I only agreed to protest because Denise gave us free pizza,” Boul said. “I don’t even know what Tide Pods are.”