Humorous

New vending machines will know you better than you know yourself

New vending machines will know you better than you know yourself

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Setodzi Avoke Junior Copy Editor Vending machines equipped with facial recognition software are set to replace all current models on campus. Hudson Valley received a $25 million grant from an organization to make the software. The new machines will be connected to a central database that collects and analyzes userRead More

Natural swimmer leads first- year team into new waters

Natural swimmer leads first- year team into new waters

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Rachel Simpson Guest Contributor The Viking Women’s Swim Team dives into their inaugural season next fall hopeful of winning a championship. With the help of one distinctive freshman athlete, they are expected to be decorating the newly constructed Matonak Aquatics Facility with 2018’s National Title trophy. “It will be aRead More

Want to pursue memes as a career? Start at HVCC!

Want to pursue memes as a career? Start at HVCC!

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Ya Boi, Hool Meme Prince Prospective students can look forward to a new Associate of Arts in Memetics coming to Hudson Valley Community College during the 2017-18 academic year. College officials decided to adopt the degree program after heightened interest and pressure to introduce memes into the curriculum. Some newRead More

Unforeseen candidate jumps in race for senate president

Unforeseen candidate jumps in race for senate president

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Hunter Wallace Meme Writer Plank, a new Hudson Valley student, has announced his plans to run for president of Student Senate. Plank comes from a small neighborhood of closely-knit families. Many students support his decision to seek a position in Student Senate. “Plank is truly a standup guy,” said JohnnyRead More

Therapy memes introduced around campus

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Tea’ Claus Santa’s Writer College faculty plan to encourage meme-proliferation on campus in order to boost student morale as finals week approaches. English professor Ruby Myers developed the idea after talking with her students. “I’ve noticed that so many of my students love to talk about memes, and memes seemRead More

New professor stuns students

New professor stuns students

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Hunter Wallace Meme Writer Students are unhappy with Hudson Valley’s newest liberal arts professor. Julian Downs, professor of the new course elective basket weaving theory, is facing fierce criticism from students taking the class. According to various students, Downs is unconcerned with moving the class forward. “Professor Downs seemed likeRead More

Vikings become the Field Mice

Vikings become the Field Mice

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Shelby Collins Copy Editor Hudson Valley will be adopting the field mouse as their mascot for the 2017-2018 academic year. “The college felt that a ‘Viking’ was a misrepresentation of the athletic ability and overall interest in athletics of our students,” said interim executive director of communications and marketing, KevinRead More

Trump declares the Hudsonian a credible source

Trump declares the Hudsonian a credible source

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Setodzi Avoke Junior Copy Editor President Donald J. Trump has identified The Hudsonian as “unequaled” in it’s quality, and was declared as “real news.” In the course of their meeting aboard Air Force One, Trump and Editor-in-Chief Jenny Caulfield of The Hudsonian found common ground. Mutual recognition of degrading journalisticRead More

WikiLeaks releases Hudson Valley’s secrets

WikiLeaks releases Hudson Valley’s secrets

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Zoey Deano Conspiracy Writer Students and faculty are still recovering from shock after WikiLeaks’ release of sensitive Hudson Valley emails containing the truths behind campus’ conspiracy theories. McDonough never died, and he helped get Bruno’s charges dropped. County legislature chairman, Edward McDonough, was charged with corruption after he helped toRead More

Sports balls tired of being kicked around

Sports balls tired of being kicked around

April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm 0 comments

Zoey Deno Staff Writer Balls used for sports on campus are tired of being kicked and thrown around. Psychic student Destiny Walsh provides insight into the thoughts of the Hudson Valley Athletics Department’s balls. According to human services major and clairvoyant Destiny Walsh, Walsh has been blessed with the giftRead More