Humorous

TOBACCO PURGE BEGINS(April Fools!)

TOBACCO PURGE BEGINS(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 8:11 pm 0 comments

Matt Whalen Editor-in-Chief Hudson Valley recently approved the 24-hour Tobacco-Purge for students on Apr. 1. On Apr. 6, Hudson Valley students will be able to smoke anywhere on campus for 24 hours without any repercussions. “We felt that students should be able to have one day where they can smokeRead More

Out on top(April Fools!)

Out on top(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 8:08 pm 0 comments

John C. Longton III Sports Editor In an unprecedented move the Hudson Valley Community College women’s softball team will cancel their program and season one year removed from placing third in the nation. The baffling move has people wondering why they would do such a thing, but after taking aRead More

Springfest moved to fall(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 8:06 pm 0 comments

Chantel Longton Staff Writer Springfest is being moved to fall due to high costs, causing a tuition increase for the fall semester. “An event like this needs a lot of fundraising and saving,” said Fettuccine Alfredo, head of the Spring Activities board. “I’m giving the students free reign to planRead More

Coach becomes player next season(April Fools!)

Coach becomes player next season(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 8:05 pm 0 comments

John C. Longton III Sports Editor In an unheard of move, Mike Long is stepping down as the Head Coach of the Hudson Valley men’s basketball team and is trying out to make his own roster as a player. Long recently found out that he has one year of eligibilityRead More

Therapy dogs offered for poor Wi-Fi experiences(April Fools!)

Therapy dogs offered for poor Wi-Fi experiences(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 8:02 pm 0 comments

Caesar Milan Dog Manager You’ve been slaving away in the Marvin Library all day on that research paper for English Comp., your next class, because it’s worth 20 percent of your grade. You are finally done with it, it’s saved in Google Docs, you are about to print it out,Read More

New mascot gets knighted(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 7:59 pm 0 comments

Jade Gold Article Writer Victor E. Knight, SUNY Geneseo’s mascot, will replace Viking as a result of his loss in Mascot Madness, next year. “We told [Viking] that he had to step up his act,” said Peter Lambert, director of athletics. “When he failed to do so, we made theRead More

New lot to open for ‘bad’ parking jobs(April Fools!)

New lot to open for ‘bad’ parking jobs(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 7:58 pm 0 comments

TyNeil McLer Editing Manager Customized spaces will be available for student drivers with non-conforming parking preferences. Two hundred new parking spaces will be added starting next week. The area, JK lot, will be distant from the other lots to avoid conflict between drivers. “Drivers comfortable with making bad parking jobsRead More

Lego student housing attempt fails(April Fools!)

Lego student housing attempt fails(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 7:55 pm 0 comments

Tylo Ren Managing Auditor The nearly $50 Lego student housing project has been cancelled. Originally expected to take three hours to complete, by last month, Whole Tub Development estimated that the project could take six additional months to finance. “We tried everything,” said ten-year-old Ken Struct, CEO of Whole TubRead More

Lacrosse looking into the future(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 7:51 pm 0 comments

Juan Carlos Lacrosse Scout With a winless season in sight, the Vikings lacrosse team looks ahead towards the number one draft pick for the 2017 season. After a 0-4 start to the season, the Vikings are already recruiting for next season. “We are looking forward to getting one of theRead More

Leftover Chartwells food restores jungle(April Fools!)

Leftover Chartwells food restores jungle(April Fools!)

April 7, 2016 at 7:49 pm 0 comments

Lucifer MacCheese Copy Eater Hudson Valley food waste composting has revitalized 3,000 acres of deforested Amazon Rainforest land. “Miles of fruit platters and cold ziti are saving the planet,” said Pete Zia, coordinator of Hudson Valley Community Composting. Villagers of Bur Rio Bole, which has a population of about aboutRead More